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Wednesday, July 20, 2011

2 Free Companionship Class

[18:21]  Jarvis Quan: The information in the dispenser is cards I obtained at one point or another during my travels which I find useful for providing couples with counceling.
[18:21]  Jarvis Quan: It is a regular thing for me, and I'm certain for the rest of you, to be approached by couple who wish to become Free Companions.
[18:22]  Jarvis Quan: I like to have a sit down meeting with a couple where I provide them with this information and all these quotes.
[18:22]  Jarvis Quan: I remind them of a variety of things.
[18:22]  Jarvis Quan: 1) In Vonda a year is 4 months RL time.
[18:22]  Jarvis Quan: This varies widely. In other cities it is three months.
[18:23]  Jarvis Quan: In some sims a very precise caluculation is done and it is 4 months 12 days and some odd hours and minutes.
[18:23]  Jarvis Quan: Local regulation apply.
[18:23]  Jarvis Quan: In Vonda if someone comes to me and have their ceremony in a city where the rule was three months I tend to honor that.
[18:24]  Jarvis Quan: 2) I tell couples it is very hard to get out of a Free Companionship so make sure you really want to do this.
[18:24]  Skua Brown nods his head
[18:24]  Jarvis Quan: In reality there are only four ways to get out of it.
[18:24]  Jarvis Quan: One partner dies.
[18:24]  Jarvis Quan: One partner is enslaved.
[18:25]  Jarvis Quan: One partner breaks the contract in some obvious and specific manner and someone in authority, an admin, a praetor, for example declares the contract null and void.
[18:25]  Jarvis Quan: This usually comes with some horrific punishment.
[18:26]  Jarvis Quan: For example, we usually have a no sex with another Free Person clause in our contracts so a contract can be declared void if one partner has had sex with someone else.
[18:26]  Jarvis Quan: However the punishment for doing this is permanent banishment.
[18:26]  Jarvis Quan: The fourth way is to simply not renew the contract when the "year" is up.
[18:27]  Jarvis Quan: Which brings me ot the next issue.
[18:27]  Jarvis Quan: Do couple have to actively renew each "year" or do they have to actively declare they are not renewing?
[18:27]  Jarvis Quan: Meaning is there an assumed default position?
[18:28]  Jarvis Quan: It is my personal reading of the Books that it is assumed a couple has renewed UNLESS one party specifically notes the year has passed without renewing.
[18:28]  Jarvis Quan: In some cities the opposite is true.
[18:28]  Jarvis Quan: So I advise people, when in doubt, file a scroll.
[18:29]  Jarvis Quan: If you want to be sure something has been renewed file scrollwork with your local scribe.
[18:29]  Jarvis Quan: If you want to be sure everyone knows you have not renewed, also file a scroll with your local scribe.
[18:30]  Jarvis Quan: My position for stating that the default is you have renewed unless you actively tell someone is that as far as I can tell from my readings of the books, in most cases, most people were illiterate, the renewal ceremonies were informal and usually simply two people sharing a cup. Also is was assumed a free companionship ceremony was for life.
[18:30]  Jarvis Quan: Again local regulations apply.
[18:31]  Jarvis Quan: I also counsel the woman that by taking a Free Companion she is placing herself under the control of the man involved.
[18:31]  Jarvis Quan: She has very few rights with him. There is no such thing as marital rape in Gor for example.
[18:31]  Jarvis Quan: So anything specific must be in the contract.
[18:32]  Jarvis Quan: If it isn't in the contract, she has about as much right as a slave has with her Companion.
[18:32]  Jarvis Quan: This to the extent that if he is displeased with her, he can chain her to the end of bed like a slave until she is sorry.
[18:32]  Jarvis Quan: And he can do as often as he likes for whatever reason he chooses to give her.
[18:33]  Jarvis Quan: I have had a few Women walk out at that point.
[18:33]  Jarvis Quan: Usually though, they are so blinded by love they stay.
[18:33]  Jarvis Quan: pauses to check his notes.
[18:33]  Dusty Caldera: Can the contracts be customized to whatever the two agree on?
[18:34]  Jarvis Quan: Right and that is point #4
[18:34]  Jarvis Quan: 4) In the books Companionships are contracts that are mutually beneficial.
[18:34]  Jarvis Quan: Here in SL we hear a lot about love.
[18:34]  Jarvis Quan: In the books men love their slave girls and they contract their Free Companions. The exception might be where a man frees his slave and makes her his companion.
[18:35]  Jarvis Quan: So the contract should be made by the couple.
[18:35]  Jarvis Quan: What they choose to put in it is their business as long as it does not violate city law.
[18:35]  Jarvis Quan: So a couple can include things like a clause to produce X male children.
[18:35]  Jarvis Quan: Or a clause that says the woman's property remains hers not his.
[18:36]  Jarvis Quan: The contract should also include things like who gets custody of the children if the relationship breaks down.
[18:36]  Jarvis Quan: I find most couple have not even thought of such things.
[18:36]  Jarvis Quan: Coming to me and discussing them makes them have some sober second thoughts about the whole thing.
[18:37]  Dusty Caldera: Children or the lack of can be written into the contract?
[18:37]  Jarvis Quan: Since most free companionships in SL are not renewed this is a good thing.
[18:37]  Jarvis Quan: As far as I can tell you can put anything you want in a contract that doesn't violate the City laws.
[18:37]  Dusty Caldera nods
[18:38]  Jarvis Quan: I recently came across one where the Free Man put in the contract that in privacy in their home the Free Woman would wear a slave camisk and collar in his presence.
[18:38]  Jarvis Quan: I think she was nuts to accept that but she did.
[18:38]  Bellisente Gravois: wow
[18:38]  Dusty Caldera grins..."I have seen that as well"
[18:38]  Jarvis Quan: I fully expect she will willingly submit soon.
[18:39]  Door: Elsuanaa Lunasea is at the door.
[18:39]  Jarvis Quan: However maybe she won't.
[18:39]  Door: Elsuanaa Lunasea is at the door.
[18:39]  Jarvis Quan: So I explain all this to the couple and then send them on their way with their blank contract and tell them to contact me after they have their contract and we'll proceed.
[18:40]  Jarvis Quan: Once we have a contract both can live with, we begin discussing the ceremony.
[18:40]  Jarvis Quan: Now in the books we have the same range of ceremonies for joining as we do for earth marriages
[18:40]  Jarvis Quan: At one extreme is a huge eight veil ceremony before the entire city with a feast afterward.
[18:41]  Jarvis Quan: However many people are very surprized when I tell them the minimum required by the books is that a couple share a glass of wine together and drop a copy of the contract off with the local scribe.
[18:41]  Jarvis Quan: There is in fact no need for a ceremony or a witness.
[18:42]  Jarvis Quan: Think of two illiterate peasants in some Gorean backwater.
[18:42]  Jarvis Quan: They probably wouldn't even have a formal written contract.
[18:42]  Jarvis Quan: A lot of couples are absolutely thrilled when I tell them this and I get the contract a few days later and the deed is done.
[18:42]  Dusty Caldera: But it is just as binding I am sure...
[18:43]  Jarvis Quan: Yes it is legally just as binding as the full eight veil ceremony in front of the whole city.
[18:43]  Jarvis Quan: The other misconception is they must have a scribe do it.
[18:43]  Jarvis Quan: We are not a priesthood. We are the scribes.
[18:43]  Jarvis Quan: Anyone can be the witness.
[18:44]  Jarvis Quan: Having said all that, I find most couples wish to have some kind of ceremony with a formal person like myself acting as Master of Ceremonies and most like to add something onto the sharing of the wine.
[18:44]  Jarvis Quan: The most popular ceremony is the eight veil ceremony which is in fact in the books but not described in great detail.
[18:45]  Jarvis Quan: The Free Man takes off eight veils in succession until he finally sees his Companion's face.
[18:45]  Jarvis Quan: Even in this one I offer couples choices.
[18:45]  Dusty Caldera sighs...remembering that eighth veil...
[18:45]  Jarvis Quan: They can remove seventh in public and save the last one for private.
[18:46]  Jarvis Quan: Or go behind a curtain for last one and then she puts it back on and they come back out.
[18:46]  Jarvis Quan: Or just bare the womans face.
[18:46]  Jarvis Quan: Whatever they like.
[18:46]  Jarvis Quan: Most opt to take the last one off in private later.
[18:46]  Jarvis Quan: A practical tip.
[18:46]  Bellisente Gravois: it is not considered face stripping to remove the last one in public?
[18:47]  Jarvis Quan: No I can't.
[18:47]  Jarvis Quan: Well it could but the books don't specify it so can I say it is in this context?
[18:47]  Bellisente Gravois smiles thank you
[18:47]  Jarvis Quan: I prefer the woman not shoow her fsace in public.
[18:48]  Jarvis Quan: I tell the Free woman that if she is using one of the commercially available eight veils wary.
[18:48]  Jarvis Quan: If they ask me, I say my opinion is do it private.
[18:48]  Jarvis Quan: Anyone can touch her face and take off the last veil.
[18:48]  Jarvis Quan: Including a slave sitting across the courtyard.
[18:49]  Jarvis Quan: Also doing it right is very tricky so I suggest before the ceremony they practice.
[18:49]  Jarvis Quan: Or the poor Free Man will have removed all eight by the time the one giving leading the ceremony gets to the third one.
[18:49]  Skua Brown: aye
[18:50]  Jarvis Quan: I also suggest the Free Woman add a nineth one no one can remove but her during the actual ceremony.
[18:50]  Jarvis Quan: This is just a practical point.
[18:50]  Bellisente Gravois nods
[18:50]  Jarvis Quan: I have seen too many women left with bare faces.
[18:50]  Jarvis Quan: I also suggest each couple take the long version of the ceremony and tailor it to their own needs.
[18:51]  Jarvis Quan: They can have a slave carry the cup between them.
[18:51]  Jarvis Quan: They can have Mom and Dad walk them up to the front.
[18:51]  Jarvis Quan: They can alter the words of the ceremony to suit themselves and their own situation.
[18:51]  Jarvis Quan: In short just as they can personalize the contract, so they personalize the ceremony.
[18:51]  Jarvis Quan: And I also tell them to practice with the cup.
[18:52]  Jarvis Quan: And for the one giving the ceremony, I suggest having a dummy cup with no script.
[18:52]  Jarvis Quan: Otherwise that person usually ends up sharing the cup as well.
[18:52]  Jarvis Quan: I have done a lot of these ceremonies.
[18:53]  ChippyAnn Kamm: excuse me ....
[18:53]  Elnar Ansar is Online
[18:53]  Jarvis Quan: pauses and gestures for Lady Ann to speak.
[18:54]  ChippyAnn Kamm: Lone Owl has 8 layer veils, run by a hud
[18:54]  Jarvis Quan: Oh nice!
[18:54]  Jarvis Quan: I officially recommend that one!
[18:55]  Jarvis Quan: My last bit or practical advice is to tell them to always have a back up person.
[18:55]  Jarvis Quan: You never know when RL is going to make you miss the ceremony.
[18:55]  Jarvis Quan: So they should be prepared for this.
[18:55]  Jarvis Quan: Does anyone else have any practical tips to add to mine?
[18:55]  Jarvis Quan: looks about the room
[18:56]  Dusty Caldera: Make sure you agree on slaves....
[18:56]  Jarvis Quan: Yes who brings which ones in, who owns them, and who keeps them if you two break up.
[18:56]  Jarvis Quan: I personally strongly recommend that in the contract.
[18:56]  Jarvis Quan: Any others?
[18:57]  Jarvis Quan: Anyone have an disasters they've lived through and how to avoid them?
[18:57]  zephor Writer is Offline
[18:57]  Jarvis Quan: Any questions from anyone?
[18:58]  Dusty Caldera wonders how many have actually lived through a contract,....
[18:58]  Jarvis Quan: Well my companion and I have a twenty seven page document and we've been trhough two renewals.
[18:59]  Jarvis Quan: As ours was strictly an arranged companionship.
[18:59]  Roi Bingyi: I know of 3 couples that have renewed at least twice
[18:59]  Jarvis Quan: I think that makes it easier.
[18:59]  Nefertiti Anubis smiles, We've just renewed our first year as well
[18:59]  Jarvis Quan: That's so nice to heaar.
[18:59]  ShaneRamsey Rau: smiles
[19:00]  Jarvis Quan: My contract stipulated we renewed until she had produced two sons. I was astonished and delighted when she said she wanted to renew again after the second child.
[19:00]  Jarvis Quan: When she didn't have to anymore.
[19:00]  Skua Brown looks at his future free companion Lady Luna and smiles
[19:00]  Dusty Caldera smiles..."That is a great relationship, sir"
[19:01]  Jarvis Quan: As I said I was astonished.
[19:01]  Jarvis Quan: Have any of you had to deal with a messy breakup?
[19:02]  Bellisente Gravois: not yet
[19:02]  Jarvis Quan: It's heartbreaking to have some poor Free Woman come to you and say "My companion ran off, when am I free of him.
[19:02]  Jarvis Quan: I have to nswer, not until the anniversary comes up and he doesn't reappear to renew.
[19:03]  Jarvis Quan: Some cities have laws on abandonment. We go by the books which means the full "year"
[19:03]  Dusty Caldera raises his hand....."Mine ended 5 days early unofficially"
[19:03]  Jarvis Quan: looks puzzled.
[19:04]  Dusty Caldera: I moved to Port Olni and she would not...I should have dragged her here..
[19:04]  Jarvis Quan: ah...I see.
[19:04]  Dusty Caldera: but we let it expire...
[19:04]  Jarvis Quan: Well if there are no further questions or comments I will close tonights class. I hope it had some useful information for everyone.
[19:04]  Dusty Caldera: I should have collared her...
[19:05]  Jarvis Quan: laughs some women don't make good slaves.
[19:05]  Pandora Dawner nods her head in agreement
[19:05]  Jarvis Quan: And in Olni refusing to leave your homestone is not a collarable offense.
[19:05]  Dusty Caldera grins...
[19:05]  Jarvis Quan: One could argue that maybe not obeying your Free Companion is.
[19:06]  Jarvis Quan: Has this been a useful session?
[19:06]  Bellisente Gravois: thank you, Sir. it was most informative
[19:06]  Dusty Caldera: Aye.....Thanks...
[19:06]  Skua Brown: aye
[19:06]  Jonathan Chrome: Very much so, thank you smiles
[19:06]  Pandora Dawner: Yes, Thank you
[19:06]  Nefertiti Anubis smiles and nods, Yes, thank you
[19:06]  Elsuanaa Lunasea: Thank you Sir, very helpful
[19:06]  Skua Brown: I am planning on this
[19:06]  Jarvis Quan: Well then I thank everyone for coming. Our ciriculum will be altered at need so I'm glad this was useful.
[19:06]  Luna Daniels smiles .... thank you Sir

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